Be a good friend!

I dug this up, a letter I’d written to one of my friends when something really hard had happened in their life. After my post the other day, writing about the question my friend Rod asked me: Have you lost your faith in men?, which he’d asked during a conversation about dating, I wanted to share this letter.

I think the things l wrote to my friend then are just as good Now.

To my friend:

I want to say that I love you and I value the person and the friend you are in my life more than words can ever express.

Next, I wanted to write to you so that I can tell you the things you need to hear but may not believe yet or may not yet be ready to hear.

1. First, you are one of the most beautiful people who will ever walk this earth and one of the most incredible women I have ever known. I know this because you are my friend. I chose wisely for myself when it comes to friends, and you are one of the smartest choices I have ever made.

2. Next, whatever someone, anyone, does, or does not do, to recognize the beauty I see in you (beauty that exists even without my recognition), it can never diminish the light that makes you so beautiful to me, to others, and to this world.

3. I want you to know that I think you are strong, stronger than you think you are. It’s not possible for you to have become the incredible person and friend you have become without strength. It takes a lot of strength to have the character and conviction you have in all your actions. It takes strength to show others respect when they have not shown you the same at times. And, it takes incredible strength to know yourself well enough not accuse others for who you are. Not once have I ever seen you blame another person for the choice you have made.

4. I want you to remember that not everyone has the kind of character you have. There are people who are weaker than you, people who will do things that will hurt you, that will make you feel as though there is something wrong with you. Never forget, the choices others make, they have nothing to do with you.

5. As hard as it is may be to swallow, find solace in remembering that nothing is personal. Meaning, because, more often than not, people act on their own behalf before thinking of others, their actions (good or bad), have nothing to do with others. And, while we’d all like to think we have had or have a hand in what others do, especially when it is good, we are not the ones who ultimately acted.

6. Also remember, that when someone close to us does something, that hurts so much we cannot understand how they could have done what they’ve done, that many of the things people do are because they are trying find or forget themselves and that has nothing to do with us. They are trying to work through pain or keep from adding more pain. That is not personal. It’s instinctual. That’s why we shouldn’t blame ourselves for the actions of others. That’s also why we cannot expect to change others and can only expect to change from ourselves.

7. Never forget that this too shall pass. What seems insurmountable now will be the thing that we see later, sometimes much later, needed to change in order to make room for something else that is even better for us. It’s hard to believe that something different, something more wonderful, could exist, especially when we are in the middle of our own storm, but change is the only constant and we are constantly changing to grow.

8. Lastly, remember that I love you, now and forever, and that I am here when you need me.


So...back to this post now and a request, if I may...

If you are going to do anything fabulous with your life, spend it being a fabulous friend. The friends I have in my life, they are jewels. They are incredible, beautiful, amazing people who have gotten me through EVERYTHING I have ever gone through. Every moment.

Even now, as my friendships grow with new friends, and other friendships have come to pass, I cannot say enough how lucky I am to have friends and to be a friend and cannot relish enough in how fortunate I am that many friends have come to stay.

xo and LOVE!!!!