Nothing matters.

What's the difference between something and nothing? Something is some thing and nothing is no thing. Either way, no thing matters. Meaning, things don't matter.

This is what the last few months (with meeting Watt, with starting a new job, with moving) have taught me, have reminded me. Things just don't matter. Things start to matter even less when you have to move them from point A to point B and all these things in these boxes are heavy. You start to feel the weight of things, literally and figuratively. How much things can weigh, how much weight we put on them, how much we allow the illusion of this weight to weigh on us...it all weighs too much. Period.

No thing that we think is so important, important enough to pack up up, pack along, pack away, is that important. If it seems like I am repeating words, yeah, I'm doing that. To make the point. Things are NOT important! Not my dining room table, not my computer cabinet, not even my antique furniture. The furniture I inherited from my grandmother which took me almost two weeks to refinish and stain.

People, lessons, what's inside, that's what matters. Who sits at my dining room table with me, who I stay connected to via email with my computer sitting at my computer cabinet, and the lessons I learned from my grandmother, what she meant to me, that's what matters.

I've known this. Always. But, as I was leaving work and walking to my car yesterday, and was emotionally and physically exhausted from all that's gone on, that was the thought I had: Nothing matters. No things matter.

I don't need things. I don't need to live in an apartment that keeps me in a bad situation. If my job doesn't last, doesn't work, doesn't pay enough, doesn't whatever, I can get a new one. If the furniture gets scratched in the move, whatever.

Just, whatever with all things.

See? If I am alive, if someone loves me (like my friends and family), and if I have people to love, that's what is important. Who I am, who I am becoming, that's important, too.

Do you know how incredibly freeing that is, to realize you are becoming more free, less in need of things? Sure, I'm still exhausted from unpacking my "things", because I still have them and have not fullfilled my secret desire to give everything up and join Greenpeace. I am exhausted from my new job. But I have people who love me, people like Ava and my sister who helped me move. They matter. Jen loves me. That matters. If the bottom drops out, F' it. I move in with Jen for a couple of months and throw my things in storage (if I even want to lug them around again).

I'm free now. I've always been free. I just forgot. Thanks to this move, I may not forget how this freedom feels again.

Freedom feels FABULOUS!!!